Year ago, I wrote my doctoral dissertation on aging. After decades of pastoral ministry and many personal experiences with families facing the advanced aging of their loved ones, I have a few suggestions, gleaned from the words of many who have shared their experiences that might be helpful.
Be prepared. More than Boy Scouts need to “be prepared” -- for change, for crisis, for physical, spiritual, and emotional challenges. Most women will outlive their husbands by seven years and such statistics should cause men to consider the financial resources their spouses would need to be cared for after their death. Choosing life insurance and options at retirement that consider a spouse benefit may be critical to meeting those needs.
Start by discussing your wishes about everything with family members. Write down as much as you can and entrust that information to others near you. If you have wishes regarding your funeral arrangements, accept limitations of time, distance, resources, and even the people you wish to preside --- you may outlive them.
Pre-planning and pre-paying for funeral expenses can relieve your family of that responsibility and help them to avoid being challenged by differences of opinion amongst siblings or other relatives in regard to selections. Your local funeral director will gladly assist you in this process.
Anticipate health changes by identifying a Power of Attorney for Health Decisions which you name and identify before severe illness or the inability to make medical decisions occurs. This person should be someone you trust and who has the ability to make conscientious decisions on your behalf. State clearly any wishes you have regarding organ donation to family members and include such information in the documents you carry on your person. Your personal attorney and physicians offices should also be informed and can advise you if you have questions in this regard.
Anticipate changes that may require assistance with financial matters. Identify someone with Power of Attorney for business matters who can handle your bill-paying, taxes, and matters relating to your possessions, accounts, and property. Again, this should be a person who you can trust to carry out these responsibilities effectively and with your best interests in mind.
Banks and accounting firms can often be of assistance in helping with these matters. Many regular bill-paying functions can be handled via automatic payments from your accounts if there are sufficient resources to draw upon. Contact your local bank or credit union for assistance in establishing these types of arrangements.
Late life transitions become increasingly difficult if you have large quantities of material goods to attend to. Distributing possessions to those you wish to have them, making intentional efforts to reduce the logistical challenges of large collections or years of gathering things may allow you to be a great blessing to others by your channeling those resources and possessions in appropriate ways. Consider gifts of books to libraries or family members. Consider your extensive furnishings and the necessity of “down-sizing” should assisted living or nursing home arrangements be required. Value your opportunity to be a “giver” while you have the means and mind to make those decisions before someone else is required to make them for you.
Consider including a tithe of your estate in your will directed to your church and its ongoing ministry.
If you have appreciated stock holdings, take early advantage of tax benefits that allow you to distribute appreciated stocks at full value as charitable contributions without the penalties of capital gains taxes and with the full contribution value directed to the charity of your choosing. This can be a win-win way of maximizing your use of available resources.
If you have outlived your spouse and desire to leave resources to your children or grandchildren, consider trusts at least 5 years before you anticipate needed advanced care options. Trusts that are less than 5 years old often are scrutinized differently if consideration is being made for Medicaid options for nursing care.
Buy a $5,000 paid up life insurance policy. It is excluded from “counted income”
in connection with many state Medicaid programs.
Establish a $5,000 savings account marked as “for funeral expenses.” Again, it is excluded from being counted in connection with Medicaid programs.
Write down the names, addresses, and phone numbers of all those contacts your children, grandchildren or care-givers need to have should you be suddenly incapacitated. Include your pastor, physicians and what type, all medical care providers, all pharmacys you use and prescription medications you take currently, the names of your attorney, bookkeeper, accountant, or tax advisor. List all accounts of banks, safe deposit boxes, and the location of your will.
Advise as to your wishes and state them in a living will, a power of attorney document, and medical power of attorney document, along with your will and any related statements of your wishes. Share this information as appropriate with your family, your physician, and your attorney.
Identify whom you wish to serve as executor of your estate. Name that person and alternates in your will. Identify all properties owned, investment accounts, location of savings bonds, location of weapons, and ammunition. Add trigger locks to all guns for protection of your family members and household guests.
Identify your favorite things and what you wish to keep near you if possible in an alternative housing / living situation. Be flexible, some situations are more limiting than others due to health and cost requirements.
Make all insurance policies of all types, with account numbers readily available.
Place all deeds to property, titles to vehicles, and any required documentation related to businesses or memberships, clubs, etc available and clearly marked for access by those you trust to supervise financial and legal matters. If you have hidden stashes of cash, get it out of the freezer, foot-locker or hole in the ground and take it to the bank.
Make responsible changes when needed and do not postpone needed adjustments…it only makes them more difficult. If you need hearing aids, get them. If you need cataract surgery – get it. If you need to change your living arrangements for your safety and well-being – do so, and preferably before such changes are “forced by circumstance.” If you need medical attention – get it. If you need dental care --- ask for it. If the home you live in is one you can no longer maintain or keep clean – consider other options within your means.
Families often share the load of responsibly caring for aging family members with wisdom, sensitivity and in respectful appreciation of their loved one’s many needs. Even in the best of circumstances, the attention to the above matters will be a great help to those entrusted with care-giving and responsibilities for business and financial matters. Start now to put your “house in order” in order to be a blessing t
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