Embarking on this subject will always raise eyebrows at the very least or raise questions from all corners as to the appropriateness of such a discussion within the context of the Church. It is true that many have assumed that human sexuality has no place being discussed within the faith community as though faith and sexuality have no common ground.
As the scriptures relate God creating males and females in His image, we are put on notice quickly in our reading that sexual matters were very much a part of God’s plan.
In other words, God invented sex and we should embrace such a notion, not run from it.
Where we find people having problems is when the church is far too silent on the subject or when generations of people have suggested by a failure to discuss sexuality that the church should keep its collective voice silent in regard to matters that are at the very least interesting and at most culturally saturating.
Pastorally, matters of sexual relationship and behaviors, good and evil, right and wrong, appropriate and inappropriate --- are always “on the table” in the lives of the people who comprise the community of faith. The issues are many and too often very central to the concerns of members of the church as they relate to children, husbands and wives in and out of appropriate relationship, matters of marriage, remarriage, divorce, dating during widowhood, and unresolved grief in the face of loss as it relates to physical changes, death or separation.
The church cares about sexuality. Parents care about sexuality. Children care about sexuality. Senior adults care about sexuality. At every turn questions should be
answered, information should be shared, knowledgeable resources should be available and intentional discussion ought to be occurring. Too often it does not. Why? There are certainly many reasons -- community mores, ignorance, embarrassment, not wanting to sound like you don’t already know or understand something – but that makes it all the more important for sexual matters to be discussed.
Parents have often struggled to address sexual matters because they have failed to answer questions at teachable moments. It is often far easier to sidestep the questions with remarks like “I’ll explain when you’re older.” It has been more than once the subject of television comedy to have parents attempting to discuss sexuality with their children. And to be honest, some parents have very “warped” attitudes about sexuality.
Recently I heard an eighth grade Sunday School teacher give a three minute summary of some long before taught Sunday School lesson. He summarized by saying…1,2,3 or its not for me. One…it is between a man and a woman. Two…it is pleasing to God as he describes it should be in scripture… Three…it is in a relationship of marriage. 1,2,3 or its not for me… It seemed to be a point well made with the youth who were the audience.
I remember distinctly the 6th grade boys and girls at my school being separated and the day before being given notes to have signed by our parents for a local physician and a nurse to come and talk to us about the facts of life. My parents signed. I went.
We saw charts and diagrams on an overhead projector. For all I could tell from that hour of explanation, sexuality looked like it had something to do with plumbing, large basketballs and darts. When we were asked if we had any questions, all 200 of us remained very silent -- just like we were at church, only quieter.
As time passed, discussions of matters like “where do babies come from” did occur and more light was given to the processes involved. The truth is most people struggle to gather that knowledge from a host of places, many of which are not well geared to giving a moral, ethical, and Christian point of view about the subject.
Too many youth today have not been educated regarding matters of human sexuality. We need to voice the truth that sexual relationship demands responsibility. The capacity to be responsible for “bringing life” into the world should also mean being prepared to fulfill that role. The need for an environment of support and care and nurture, best accomplished by a mother and father present and involved in the lives of their children for all the years of their growth and development is an essential truth that should be clearly described and modeled. As prevalent as divorce is, it is not now and never will be a quick and easy solution for anyone who faces the responsibilities of parenting and such decisions bring complex and continuing struggles for generations of children.
Health issues today are clearly obvious reasons to educate our community regarding sexual practice. The extremely high incidence of sexually transmitted disease in an environment of sexual promiscuity is a prescription for long term health disasters affecting countless individuals. At the same time, recognizing the bounds of appropriate sexual relationship as a “1,2,3 or its not for me” opportuntity for healthy, joyful, marital union is a clear winner in the health and family categories of what is best for all involved.
In a community with dozens of unwed mothers; in a place where we have voice and influence to be heard, the church needs to stand and speaking the truth in love, let the joy of Christian sexuality in the context of responsible, God-honoring, marriage relationships be described and affirmed. For every unwed mother, there is also a man failing to meet the responsibilities of appropriate sexual conduct and relationship. There are no double standards in the sight of God. Christian relationships…in the church, in the home, and in the context of sexual expression will go far to build the hopeful future so many are looking to find.
There is so much more to be said…but for now, as a community of faith, let us resolve not to be so silent.
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