Crises of Faith

This week’s revelation of Mother Teresa’s letters outlining a painful personal struggle accompanying her 50 years of ministry to the poor and dying is no surprise for most of us who engage in ministry. What may come as a surprise to many however is the fact that people of faith do struggle with the painful and often debilitating realities of ministry in a world full of pain and suffering and difficulty.

Even more so today than a generation ago when ministers received in general a more respected place in our American culture, the emotional and spiritual struggles of service remain a constant of most ministry endeavors. The question is, how does that inpact our personal faith and our personal emotions? For Mother Teresa, her letters to a spiritual advisor were open and honest about her spiritual and no doubt physical “emptiness.” As St. John of the Cross described…she experienced “a dark night of the soul.”

Martin Marty, a contemporary theologian wrote of his similar feelings in “The Cry of Absence” following the death of his wife. Both of these accounts relate the very human emotions of such times and the very honest struggle with God about the reasons for such painful experiences. Mother Teresa endured her hearts pain as she labored tirelessly (but nonetheless in exhaustion). She endured…persevered…and was sustained to serve. In the same way she recounts moments when she “has no faith.” She is certainly not alone. The scriptures frequently recount Jesus challenging his own disciples as they experienced similar moments. He asked them “Where is your faith?” …”Have you no faith?”…and said “O ye of little faith.” And then he reminded them that faith, in the smallest “quantity” could move mountains. Sometimes we stand mercifully at the place of utter loss…feeling empty…alone…and without any measure of faith at all…yet Christ’s love abides…His presence in the darkness…in the most “absent” of our feelings…still abides with us. His word is, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Mother Teresa’s life is proof of God’s capacity to use empty vessels that He fills. As we allow him to use us, darkness may well be a part of the journey…but we are not forsaken.

As I thought of Mother Teresa’s struggles, I thought of gifted pediatric oncologist who was one of the most amazing doctors anyone knew. He took all the patients that everyone else had already given up on, who had cancer…and these were all children. Day after day he labored to save them and day after day he faced the reality of disease and advanced stages of illness that could not be turned back. At the same time he comforted, consoled, and grieved each loss. It became a heart-wrenching and emotionally devastating occupation. One day, this amazing doctor, came to the end of his own ability to cope…and he took his own life. Such is the pain that can overwhelm us. For all of us who would dare to follow Christ and who would touch the suffering, the poor, the weak, the hungry…we will grow weary…we will reach the end of our limits. The question is, will we understand in those moments that we are not alone? God is with us there…at the hour of our betrayal, in the passages of our own humiliation, in the moments of our agony, at the instant of our anguishing thirst, in the struggles of our hearts bursting at their seams, in all the vulnerability of our humanity and weakness…He is with us there.

And that is not the end of the story. It is in the face of death that God has conquered …For with God, nothing is impossible. For those enduring a crisis of faith, keep going…share your heart and its suffering …there is healing in talking to God about it all…He can take our pain and transform it into a thing of beauty and a testimony of God’s redemption. Remember Jesus’ words -- The Kingdom of God is at hand – as near as your heart’s door. Remember…God is with us…He knows the dark road we may be traveling and he has come to save us. Look to Him…and find in Him the life…and the way. Follow on…